For the last few nights I’ve been having the same dream, well pretty much the same dream, except there is always one detail that is different. It’s a detail that seems to have a huge impact on me, waking me up at the same spot in the dream where the one little detail has changed. I’ve been trying to figure out if this dream has some meaning that isn’t obvious, or if it is just a manifestation of some fear deep inside of me. A fear that I don’t even know I have.
I’ve thought about it day in and day out for the last week, just trying to figure out what the meaning could be. That is, if there truly is a meaning to the dream – but all my searching has gotten me nothing. Thus, I am left wondering if there is a meaning and what it could be… but I’m also left with a bigger question because of all of this curiosity. Do dreams even have meanings? Or do people just buy into that because they want something to believe in. In a sense, my questioning of dreams and their meanings (or lack of) is the same as many peoples questioning of religion.
Is there really a God? Some people believe there is (I am one of those people), and some don’t – but back to the topic at hand, my dream. As I stated at the beginning of this blog, it is the same (except for one detail).
The dream starts out with me on a stage, at first the location seems pointless… but as the dream progresses a bit, things begin to make sense. I am standing up in front of a crowd with a microphone held in my hand. The crowd is laughing, well, some of the people in the crowd are laughing. It seems like everybody is having a good time and then… everything goes black. Everything except for me; I’m standing there surrounded by the pitch black abyss
I begin to wander around trying to locate a source of light. No luck. After a moment, I find myself standing in another room… it’s a small, poorly li, room. Looking around I find that I’m not alone, there are other people there. They’re all faceless, except for one…
That’s the detail that always changes. The thing that rattles me to the core and shakes me from my sleep, but it doesn’t happen right away.
Taking a step forward, I inch closer to the only other person with a face. My stomach is in knots, my breathing is heavy, my palms are sweaty… reaching up – I tap the person on their shoulder. Slowly, they turn to face me and I find, to my surprise, it’s one of my favorite comedians.
It’s always somebody different... for the sake of this blog; we’ll say that it’s Adam Sandler. As that has happened once before in the dream.
As soon as I recognize the person’s face, a smile spreads across mine. The fear that I had felt moments before was washed away by the excitement that I now felt. However, that would soon disappear too… the look in his eyes, and the way he shook his head showed he disapproved of me for some reason. Confused, I take a step back and that’s when the thing that wakes me up happens… “You’re not funny”.
Three simple words – three, little, insignificant words – have all the impact of a diesel truck. They just shake me to the core, and wake me from my sleep and I cannot get back to sleep for (most of the time) several hours. The image of one of my favorite comedians telling me I’m not funny burnt into my brain. After having had the dream every night for nearly a week or so, I’ve actually tried to avoid going to sleep. Staying up later than usual, even after I’ve told people I was going to bed. I’d just lay there in the dark, listening to music, thinking, trying to keep my brain active so I couldn’t fall asleep.
I don’t want to have that dream again. It’s an experience I don’t want to have while I’m awake, let alone while I’m sleeping. You’re supposed to life your dreams while you’re sleeping. You’re supposed to do things you can’t do in reality, while you’re sleeping. You’re not supposed to have your heart ripped out of your chest (figuratively) on a nightly basis – while sleeping. Anyway, the point of this blog was the question “do dreams have meanings?”...
If they do, what is the meaning of this dream? Why am I always being told that I’m not funny by one of my favorite comedians? Why isn’t it some random person that means nothing? These are questions I ask myself after each and every time I have the dream.
Well, this blog has gone on long enough – I think. So I’ll end it here…
No comments:
Post a Comment